The Monk Who Lived
by XxXxDarkVampirexXxX
Summary: It's Mai's birthday and the team decides to celebrate. She wants to have a movie marathon and because Mai is Mai, the sweet, smiling girl who always cares for them, they comply. A drunken monk however, always performs his own version of the movie at the end. Please put your wands (or sticks for all you Muggles out there) up for the Monk Who Lived.


**Yo. So some of you will have noticed that I did a Lord of the Rings one like this, and since I'm a huge Harry Potter fan, how could I not do this? Unlike my LOTR one, this HP one will have multiple chapters, one for each book or movie in this case. I've cut out like ninety five percent of what happens, but there are still spoilers...not that they should be spoilers considering how old HP is now. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ghost Hunt/Harry Potter or any of their characters...**

_Chapter One: Bou-san and the Philosopher's Stone_

Mai was thrilled. It was her eighteenth birthday and all of SPR had gathered to celebrate with her. Everyone was happy and she was having a lot of fun with them. And to make things even better, they were going to be watching the Harry Potter movies. All of them! Mai was a huge HP fan, and could hardly wait to get started.

She had been asked earlier that week about what she wanted to watch on her birthday. Everyone had already known that they were going to be having a marathon, considering how much Mai loved those, but they had no idea what she wanted to see. The girl didn't talk about herself very often.

Most were hoping she wouldn't pick the Lord of the Rings again, considering what had happened last time. So they were quite pleased when Mai settled on Harry Potter. Drunk or not, there was no way Bou-san could start mimicking _that_...right? Oh how very wrong they were...

"Yer a wizard, Bou-san," said Madoka with a huge smile on her face.

"I'm a what?" questioned Harry- er- the monk, looking rather confused.

"A wizard! C'mon, let's go to Diagon Alley!"

"Oh bloody buggering hell. Not this again," muttered Naru, more than annoyed. He had had more than enough the previous time.

"I will never be your friend, Malfoy!" exclaimed Bou-san, pointing a stick which he had gotten from outside and was now using as a wand at Masako.

Masako blinked and covered her frown with the sleeve of her kimono. She wondered whether the man had realized that Draco had been her favourite character.

"Ron! My best friend!" Bou-san threw an arm around John who sagged slightly under the unexpected weight of the drunken monk.

John briefly wondered why he always ended up as the sidekick, then figured that since they would never be able to stop the man, he might as well play along. "Where is Hermione, Harry?"

Bou-san looked around at the others, seemingly trying to decide who would make the best Hermione Granger. Soon, his face lit up and he grabbed hold of Mai, tugging her away from Naru. "Hermione!"

"Um, hi...Harry." Mai had been about to call him Bou-san, but the look on Madoka's face had told her to do otherwise. "At least I'm not the bad guy this time," she muttered, helping John keep the man on his feet.

Naru, who wasn't too pleased that Mai had been snatched away from him, started forwards, a scowl on his face. He seemed like he was ready to deduct poin-er give detentio-er kick Bou-san out of the room. Yeah, that's it.

"Oh no, it's Snape!"cried the monk, pulling at John and Mai's arms, dragging them to the other end of the room. Every time Naru advanced, the man retreated, bringing the other two with him crying out, "Snape alert!" each time. He seemed to get rather tired of that though, for suddenly, "Come on guys! Let's go stop Snape from stealing the Philosopher's Stone!"

Laughing hysterically, Madoka spoke. "Yer gonna have to get past Fluffy first!"

Ayako snarled. "Why am I the damn dog?!"

"Music puts it to sleep," offered Madoka- Hagrid.

Bou-san began whistling the Harry Potter tune and, grumbling loudly, Ayako moved out if the way. Still dragging Mai- Hermione and John- Ron, they passed by Ayako safely. "Yay, we got passed Fluffy!"

The others rolled their eyes and sighed. There really was no stopping the man when he got like this. Well, at least it was amusing.

"You?" said Bou-san suddenly, shocked. "You're the one trying to steal the Stone?"

"Me," said Quirrell er- Yasuhara calmly, though he had a huge grin on his face. He was very glad that he was the one who got to be Voldemort. That guy was awesome, at least according to him.

Loving every second of this, Madoka picked up a large rock from one of the potted plants, and handed it to the drunken man, who immediately held it up triumphantly.

"You'll never get the Stone from me, Voldemort!"

"Oh, we'll see about that!"

Yasuhara- Quirrell- Voldemort began chasing after Bou-san- Harry. They literally ran around the room while the rest watched in either amusement or annoyance.

Suddenly, both of them tripped. They knocked heads and while Yasuhara landed safely on the couch, Bou-san would have hit the floor if Lin hadn't grabbed him at the last second.

Bou-san looked up at the Chinese man, expression one of awe. "You saved me, Professor Dumbledore..."

Lin fought the urge to drop the monk right there as Madoka began to howl with laughter. How did he always end up as the old wizened wizard?

Quickly, the monk pushed himself upright, and threw his arms around Ron and Hermione-er John and Mai. "We saved the Philosopher's Stone!"

"Um, hurray...?"

And then, as if nothing had happened, Bou-san plopped down on the couch and took a sip of beer. "So, we watching the next movie or what? I want to know what happens next."

Everyone other than Madoka just sighed, but they all resumed their seats and decided it would be best for them all if they didn't mention what had just happened.

Though the night was still young, they still had six more movies to watch. Bou-san wasn't about to crudely reenact them all...right?

**Pretend there was only one Deathly Hallows movie, cause I don't feel like splitting the chapters. And before people start flamming me for all the stuff I got wrong, I did it like this on purpose. It's a crack fic, meaning it's to be funny rather than serious. I know this one's short, but the rest should be getting longer as they go along. Since I'm a massive Potterhead, it's a little hard to hold back so many details, but I'm working on it. Anyway, hope you guys liked it, looking forward to reviews! Laterz!**


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